Build on Strengths Rather Than Fixating on Weaknesses

Focus on building strengths rather than fixing weaknesses. Summer vacation, a headache for parents, has arrived again. But the break is not just a challenge for children; it is also an opportunity for parents to develop themselves. During the break, parents can try different ways of spending time with their children and experiment with new approaches to family education. Perhaps, after the sixty-day vacation, both you and your child will have learned something new. Here are some approaches parents can try. First, learn to leave appropriate space. Rather than constantly hovering, loosen your grip a little. Avoiding constant parental attention has become a widely discussed issue in education. Why? Because its costs are high. For example, many American universities have recently introduced “Adulting 101,” teaching everyday skills such as doing laundry, buying groceries, and changing tires. These are college students aged eighteen or older, yet many cannot even wash their clothes. Can you imagine? The course’s designers attribute this to parents being overly involved and managing everything. How, then, should parents strike the right balance? Australian child psychologist Judith Locke believes that leaving appropriate space is central to the parent–child relationship. First, leave space in time: allow periods when parents and children are apart and independent. Brief separations can help children develop confidence. If their time together is happy, children can also explore life on their own when parents are absent. Second, leave space in your roles. When together, parents need not make children the main characters in everything or have their lives revolve entirely around them. In some activities, parents should take the leading role and do their own things, letting children participate alongside them as appropriate. University of Southern California psychology professor Saxbe calls this “deliberate low-intensity parenting.” Through a degree of “ignoring,” children can observe adults doing things and learn life skills and social rules. For example, take children to visit older relatives, but instead of attending to their needs the whole time, let them see how adults interact. Or take them to the bank and involve them in everyday adult business. If children complain of boredom while watching, do not immediately supply a solution. In particular, resist handing over your phone. Trading a phone for twenty minutes of quiet may look like the easiest option, but over time it could make children dependent on it. A reminder: “Parents should loosen their grip appropriately, not let go completely.” You can “ignore” children much of the time, but reserve enough energy to give them full attention when they truly need it. Here, that means when they are visibly distressed, urgently need help, or require timely guidance. That is the first vacation suggestion for parents: loosen your grip appropriately. The second is to use the break to observe children’s strengths rather than dwell on their weaknesses. We have all heard the barrel principle: a barrel’s shortest stave determines how much water it can hold. Many people therefore assume that achieving the best results requires fixing every weakness. In raising children, however, this can backfire. Excessively high demands in every area may put them under too much pressure. What parents should do most is identify and develop their children’s strengths. University of Melbourne psychology professor Lea Waters tells a story. At a workshop, she asked parents to model their children out of clay. Their faces were vivid, but bodies and limbs were misshapen. When she asked them to improve the models, most parents concentrated on flaws, remaking an arm or adjusting a torso. Only a few continued refining the face, then worked outward until they had completed the whole body. Waters found that these parents’ finished models not only had more pronounced strengths but also fewer flaws. Parents concentrating on defects did repair some, but the overall results remained awkward. Child-development specialists believe every child has areas of strength. Teachers and parents should develop these talents through “strengths-based education.” Helping children use their strengths reduces pressure and improves their overall performance. Confidence can spread: the strength gained from doing something well can carry into other situations. How, specifically, can you identify a child’s strengths? Start with categories. A widely accepted classification in education is the theory of multiple intelligences proposed by educational psychologist Howard Gardner. Many practices we see today, from Finland’s “multiple assessment system” to America’s “successful education program,” are designed around this theory. There are eight intelligences, and everyone possesses at least one, perhaps more. 1. Linguistic intelligence: skill in expression. Such people may become writers. Parents can encourage these children to keep journals, invent stories, or debate. 2. Logical-mathematical intelligence. These children are good at reasoning and may become mathematicians or programmers. Parents can encourage everyday mathematical thinking—for example, finding three ways to divide a cake equally. 3. Spatial intelligence. Those with this talent may become painters or architects. Puzzles and building blocks may be ideal games for them. 4. Bodily-kinesthetic intelligence. Children with this talent have potential as athletes or craftspeople. 5. Musical intelligence. Suited to creative work involving music. 6. Interpersonal intelligence. These children work well with others and may become counselors or team leaders. 7. Intrapersonal intelligence. An ability to recognize one’s own emotions deeply and an interest in examining profound questions. Many philosophers belong to this category. 8. Naturalistic intelligence. Sensitivity to natural phenomena. Many biologists belong to this category. In combination, these eight intelligences cover essentially all the capabilities needed in modern occupations. But remember that all these abilities take time to emerge. Some people’s talents may become apparent only after years or longer. The right approach, however, can accelerate that process. How can you help a child’s talents emerge sooner? An Atlantic article addresses this question. Parents can try the following steps. First, observe what excites children and what genuinely interests them. This is straightforward and needs little explanation. Second, deliberate practice. Parents should consciously provide resources for children to practice their skills. A child interested in machinery could build models; one who likes performing could try debate or drama. This helps establish whether children enjoy the activity itself or a feeling it produces. A child who says they like mathematics, for example, may simply enjoy the sense of superiority that comes from high scores rather than mathematics itself. Finally, use strengths to address weaknesses. Sometimes children encounter a small difficulty and conclude that they have failed. This is where parents can help, guiding them to approach the whole problem through things they do well. For example, if a child speaks well but struggles to write, encourage them to say their ideas aloud before writing them down. If a child has strong emotional intelligence but struggles to organize their time, encourage them to bring classmates together for a group project, then have the group schedule the work and hold one another accountable. Even when strengths do not transfer directly, remind children that they are good at something. That belief can give them more confidence when facing difficulties. Put simply: find what children love, strengthen it through practice, and use that strength to support other areas. Confidence in one field can help build resilience in another. Instead of staying constantly at their side, give children appropriate room, and more possibilities may gradually emerge. #得到頭條20250704 (Dedao Headlines, July 4, 2025) ----- Robin: “Education is a profound subject. During school, though, students generally should not become too lopsided: they need a basic level in every subject. Once they enter working life—including entrepreneurship—my personal advice is to forget their weaknesses and focus on making the most of their strengths.”